Aubrie Sauerbrey
My name is Aubrie Sauerbrey, and I am in the 10th grade. I first discovered Christ’s Word when I was very young. Ever since I was a child, I was surrounded by the church community. My parents are followers of the Lord and raised me in His image. One summer when I was probably 7 or 8, during a VBS program, I gave my life to Him. Since I was so young, not much changed in the moment. Seeing as church was a vital part of my life anyways, nothing felt different. I continued to grow and still had a strong relationship with the Lord. Throughout middle school, I looked to Him when things felt off. When I entered freshman year, I was pleased with where I was with the Lord. I enjoyed learning in church, and felt that He had gifted me with things that will carry me far in His plan, like the ability to draw, write, and create music. I truly felt accepted by Him and I trusted my future to His teachings. However, soon into my second semester, I entered my first ever relationship. Seeing as it was my first time in love, I quickly began to idolize it above everything. Above my grades, my mental well being, and most importantly and devastatingly, my God. As I was desperate to feel loved, I justified things that were against my morals to gain affirmation and affection from my partner. I made a lot of mistakes and suffered from guilt alone for a long time. I was incredibly ashamed. Going to school felt like a punishment as I lived in fear of what might occur. Going to church felt like a crime. I figured that because I had abandoned my moral compass, God had in turn abandoned me. Being in a place of worship felt so wrong. Like it wasn’t where I belonged. I felt like an outcast in His House. Because of my intense fear and attachment to my partner, I stayed in the relationship even though I knew it prevented me from honoring God. Finally, after months and months of dragging on, I spoke up for myself. But after I did so, the relationship changed. I felt unloved. I felt terrible. Tragically, this state prolonged for months until, mutually, the relationship ended. Afterward, I felt like I was experiencing emotional withdrawals. For almost a year of my life, I had dedicated every second to my partner. And then all of a sudden everything was gone. Even though I knew it was the right decision, leaving felt like my worst mistake. The healing process was incredibly trying for me, harder than I could handle on my own. That’s when I knew I had to once again turn to God, and that’s why I’m getting baptized. Although God was the leader of my life for a long time, I feel like because I didn’t truly understand what it meant to follow Him, and after I drifted away from Him, it was like God was never truly the sole Rock of my life. I’m ashamed of that. But I know I don’t have to feel that shame my whole life. I am deciding now that God’s opinion of me will always come first, and I shall follow Him and look to him instead of my self judgement. I am outwardly proclaiming this decision which I fully know the weight of now. I desire to truly, honestly, and humbly return to his grace once more, and I have accepted Him as the Lord of my life.